College Woes

When I finished high school I was relieved, but at the same time not quite ready. Things I'd been told by teachers at school had me convinced that if I waited to go to college I would be a life long loser and would never make anything of myself. I wasn't really feeling ready to go to college. My seizures weren't under control, I couldn't drive, and I hadn't taken any sats or acts, but I felt like I had no choice.
I applied at a college that I knew I could get into and not have to leave home. I chose Davis College because it was a safe choice. The way things were going medically leaving home for college wasn't really an option. When we went to get information and I got a catalog with majors I still had no idea what I wanted to major in.
I chose not on what interested me, but what would be a safer choice for someone who may never have control of their seizures. I chose safety over happiness. I flipped through the office administration section. I knew a desk job would be a safe choice. That way I couldn't fall and hit my head. The medical administration section caught my eye. I knew that if I went with that route that if I had a seizure at work their would be a doctor around. What doctor wouldn't know what to do? Besides doing paperwork and things like that always seemed kind of fun.
When college began it proved to be a much friendlier environment then high school. The petty gossiping and rumor mill was something most people were over and didn't really have an interest in. That was one perk, but school work didn't get easier for me. It was still hard for me to learn anything with all the medication I was on. There were times I couldn't explain simple things like what a book or movie was about. With the meds I was one it became a challenge to communicate. I got used to giving one word answers ( a habit I haven't broken) and when asked an opinion I would find a way out of it. I could write what I wanted to say but couldn't actually say it. It was like my hands and mouth were connected to two different brains. It was infuriating.
On top of that I was determined not to let anyone at school know anything was wrong. So even though walking normal was a great challenge and taking notes was practically impossible I forced myself to do it. Some days I didn't take notes because I was to dizzy to read what they were talking about and would just doodle away in my notebook.
My first semester I made dean's list, but I burnt myself out doing it. I used every ounce of energy I had to accomplish that and realized I didn't have enough energy or oomph to keep it up when the next semester began in a few short weeks. So after the first semester my grades began to slowly decline.
As if that weren't bad enough one night when I was in medical transcription class I had a grammal seizure in class. Normally that's bad enough, but this would be my first episode ever of rolling seizures. Apparently on my way walking to an ambulance they had to lay me down because I started seizing again. Apparently they couldn't stop them and I ended up in the er where they gave me a drug to stop my seizures.
I ended up in the hospital over night and had successfully scared the crap out of my family and ruined any chances of passing myself off as a normal student.
Davis College is a very small college. The same mentality as a small town. Everyone knew when I went back. Constantly asking me how I was doing and if I was okay. Which all I wanted was to be left alone. I usually ended up in the library researching vampires. Research that has come in handy for a fantasy story I'm currently working on.  Researching random things allowed me to escape everyone being so nosy. I didn't know these people and they wouldn't leave me alone.
I had a couple more seizure while attending Davis College. I also flunked keyboarding class twice because my hands wouldn't stay still. When I graduated I wasn't happy. To this day I look at that diploma with shame. I wasted a lot of money and time trying to fit in when I should have looking for what would make me happy. Davis College is a decision I regret to this day. The only thing I got out of it is now I have degree that says I know how to schedule appointments. The degree is just a bad reminder of a time in my life I'd rather forget.